Mind Tricks That Aren’t Jedi

I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape, to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There’s a burning in my pride, and a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, will you never call again?
And will you never say that you loved me, just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space

Hate Me- Blue October

Hi Blog it’s me again. The Dementia part of your name is really coming in to play these days. The facebook obsession isn’t going away but I needed a a place that was a little more private for this update so that’s why I’m back here with you.  You see there’s this girl…there’s always a girl I know but not there hasn’t been one like this for awhile. While I’m playing it cool on the outside, the inside has been a bit of a tempest. <sarcasm>Yeah I’m following the same old routine and the same path I always have so at least I’m in familiar territory and that’s good right? </sarcasm> Then last night out of nowhere the fucking iceberg that sank the Titanic showed up out of the fog and we hit that fucker full steam, head on( apply directly to head.)

For some reason I got it into the space in my cranial region (lots of space up there ya know) that there may be someone else showing interest in The Girl. I have always known this was a possibility because, hey I go for the creme de la creme when it comes to falling for someone (OK I have had one or two mis-steps but who hasn’t?) The only problem with this is that it’s someone we work with (oh yeah did I forget to mention that I work with The Girl.) The seed got planted in my head and no matter how much I tried I couldn’t get it out of my fucking head. It wasn’t just a little mouse gnawing on a small corner of consciousness but a fucking T-Rex chomping down in the middle and shaking the brain meats to make sure they knew they were being attacked.

This resulted in me going over the edge (kinda like the Marshall family when they encountered the greatest earthquake ever known.) I worked myself into a state of mind that put my stomach in knots( which they are still somewhat in right now) and getting only three hours of sleep, although the hours were not consecutive. Fun day at work yay!

I know it’s totally fucking ridiculous( see how I spelled that right? It’s R-I not R-E) but I have a great imagination. There may be some truth to because the guy is recently single which I found out today,plus he’s younger and better looking than I am (I find there a lot of guys that fit this description the older I get, weird) and he really is a nice guy. I guess It’s just the fact that he works at the same place that bugs me. If it was someone outside of work I wouldn’t have to see it(if it actually happens) everyday.

And that in a nutshell (nutcase?) is how my mind works.

I really do need to ask her out.

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling, “Make it go away,” just make a smile
Come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered, “How can you do this to me?”

Hate Me-Blue October